Domestic Discipline has helped me in so many ways. My husband (GudOne) and I have been practicing Christian Domestic Discipline for over three years. I want to share some of the things I have overcome. Because of wanting to walk closely with God and to be the woman He expects me to be as a Christian, I felt that DD could be the one tool to help me achieve that goal. I have an amazing, godly husband who is more than happy to help me reach those goals. It has been, for the most part, very easy to submit to such a man. I want to say that I don’t feel a woman can be forced into submission. Submission is a gift, freely given. For us, we have to be first, submissive to God and then I am to be submissive to my husband.
Through this journey, it has been interesting to see a grown woman in her forties, who has gone through life in a successful career, been through two marriages (Ok, they weren't so successful), and never realized that something like DD could make me stop and look back over my life, and actually change something so important. When we first began DD, I was a bit conflicted because of the peace and solace a spanking brought to my life. I was not, however, confused about whether or not this would be a lifestyle I could accept or live with...and in my mind and my heart, I knew it was a lifestyle I would cherish, a lifestyle I could whole-heartedly submit to, and a lifestyle I would embrace....
A little while after we jumped into this lifestyle, I began thinking about the life I have lived. I am an adult with ADHD, I have some obsessive/compulsive tendencies, I am a spontaneous, "fly by the seat of my pants" kind of woman and I have been used to being “in control” and leading in almost every aspect of my life. In the past, I have not had men who had any control over me at all, or even wanted to. One day, early on, the concept become clear to me that "I have to be self-controlled. Everything my HOH has asked of me, since we began this journey has been about SELF-CONTROL"...
I finally realized, at that moment that for my whole adult life, I had been in control of everything around me (my relationships, my job, my decisions, my step-children, my choices of what I would do, where I would go, what I would wear, EVERYTHING, but the one thing I have had NO CONTROL over, was myself.... I know that sounds really bizarre, but it is so true.. I did not control my thoughts, my health, my feelings, my emotions, even some of my actions, I was not in control of myself, and now, by being submissive to another person and gifting someone else with control of my most personal thoughts and actions, I am learning to gain self-control and I am learning that it has to be a part of my life. Through this lifestyle, we have both learned some things.
It became clear that I did have one thing that controlled me, my “collections.” I don’t want to say I was a hoarder, because after watching that show about the hoarders, I decided I was more of a “collector.” I had such a collection, that it became out of control. Not long after beginning our DD life, I no longer had a desire to have all of that “stuff,” and I cleaned it out. I had a man who was in control of me and I could now conquer the masses of treasures I had a relationship with. I have a clean home, now, and that has also reduced my stress level, and my husband’s stress level. I can easily slip back into old, habitual patterns, and let things slide. Due to this, I have asked Gud to put some rules in place about the house. As I got rooms completely cleaned, I now have daily chores to do to have a clean house all the time and not freak out because of a mess I let go too long. When I see an “area of need” I will ask Gud to consider making this a rule or a boundary. Ultimately, he makes the final decision as to whether or not it will be. For me, when he gives me boundaries and rules, it solidifies that I must do this, and if I don’t it is then disobedience and will be dealt with accordingly.
Through DD, I now think about things before I do them, or say them. I take time to give thought to my words, my actions. I had to learn to deal with my health, I had let myself get so far away from being healthy. I have some health problems that, under control, are not life-threatening, but out of control, can be very life threatening. No one had really cared about helping me take care of myself. I now take my meds regularly and feel much better because someone cares enough to make sure I stay healthy, to compliment me and encourage me when I do, and to make me stop and take a look and focus on how I am feeling and thinking.
I am learning that my husband WANTS to hear my opinion and that my opinion is valuable to him. I have learned to give my opinion in a respectful way. I no longer have an argumentative spirit. I share my opinion, I know I am heard, and he makes the decisions. The burden of no longer making major decisions for a family has been lifted from me. As a wife, that burden was not to be on my shoulders in the first place. I am continuing to learn that without my opinion, Gud can not make the best decisions for our family, and it is my responsibility to share those with him. Because of my past, that isn’t always easy. He has put rules in place that I must share my thoughts with him. I have some insecurity when my thoughts are not in alignment with his, and he has lovingly reassured me that I will not be in trouble for having a different opinion, he won’t stop loving me, he won’t discard my thoughts. Considering it is difficult for me to be open up freely, this rule to talk to him about my thoughts and opinions has helped in opening up the lines of communication. When we have regular evening discussions, I get more in the habit of being open and it is more comfortable for me to talk. If we miss a few nights, I feel like it is starting over from the beginning.
Now, the delivery of my thoughts and opinions is subject to trouble, if not done respectfully.
This leads me to my next way that DD has helped me. I have the most amazing marriage, and I have had enough marriages to know the difference. We do not argue, he doesn’t pout and storm off, I don’t scream and yell, we are happy in this union. I can honestly say that I have never had a punishment because of arguing with Gud or having a tantrum, and the disrespect issue (only dealt with once) was because I admitted my actions, that he never saw. My (step)children have never seen me be disrespectful to their father. They have never seen us argue. They have thanked me for being honest to him and to them. They see me serve their father with gladness in my heart. They hear me call him “Sir,” and they see two people who are in love. They don’t know about our DD lifestyle, but they do know that their father is the leader of our home and they know I am submissive to him.
Having rules and boundaries is very important to me. I NEED them. It is not just a desire or a fetish, in order for me to be as productive as possible, and manage our home and life, I need help with setting those boundaries. Because of my focus-challenged personality, I may sit down to do a blog or a craft and intend to only spend a few minutes on it, and will end up in front of the computer or sewing machine for HOURS and not get anything else accomplished. I often use a timer to help with time restraints and follow a checklist/schedule on a daily basis. Having those rules and boundaries in place helps me feel secure and successful. The only way I know to explain it to others is, imagine that you are in a house and just outside your doors there are dangers in every area of your yard. Some of those dangers can creep inside if you allow your door to be open and some, you walk into if you step outside that door. As long as you remain in your home with the door closed, you are safe. Rules and boundaries are my protection from my own personal dangers, whether they be health, not getting my work finished, being unproductive, disrespectful, or just impulsive, whatever the case may be.
I never run my husband down. I have no reason to. I build him up in our home and I build him up outside our home. I let others know how much I appreciate him and love him for being the leader in our home and for being a great provider, for caring for me and our family, and for being a caring, godly man. In my first marriage, my husband and I very seldom had anything nice to say about each other, and even made jokes about our “short comings” in front of each other and in a group of friends. With my second husband, I didn’t want to be mean, I wanted him to feel better about himself, so while he continually ran me down, often in a “joking manner,” I made great efforts not to do the same. I did address things like his infidelity and other issues to his face, but that was not the same as pointing out issues and making fun of him. I did talk to my friends and they knew about his poor behaviors. In my search for my third husband, it was important that he be a man who walked upright and lived a righteous life. I wanted someone I could be proud of and not see the little imperfections because the goodness would outshine that. I have that in my HoH. I have no desire to speak ill of him. I only want to lift him up and encourage him. I trust him with everything in me.
Another major way that DD helps our marriage is the sex. Being submissive is such an erotic thing for me, and being dominant is erotic for Gud, so naturally, the physical side of our relationship is amazing. I have had fantasies in the past, that are now realities. I am a “fully” submissive wife. I will never tell my husband, “No!” I am his. This concept didn’t come about just with DD. This is one belief my mother instilled in me from a very early age. “When you get married, you are to never tell your husband, ‘No” when he wants you sexually.” She taught me that Biblically, it is wrong to deny him any pleasure. As a teen, this idea became a fantastical dream and I couldn’t wait to be “taken” by my husband anytime, every time, where ever. Three marriages later, that is a reality. Because I was in “the leader” in previous marriages, I was expected to be the leader in the bedroom also, and that made my one area I was submissive in, null and void. With being totally submissive to Gud, I have had to learn that it is still acceptable for me to let him know when I am “in the mood,” too. The difference is, now I get to seduce him and tease him, and at some point in the seduction, he takes over and controls what is his.
I have so many friends I would love to be able to share the benefits of this lifestyle. When they tell me that they had an argument or disagreement over something, or when I hear women disrespect their husbands or run them down, I want to say, “He needs to take you over his knee and that would take care of that!” But alas, I just smile and know that in our home, in our relationship, everything is just as it should be. My bottom may be colorful at times, but my heart, spirit, and marriage are happy!
To sum it all up, this DD lifestyle has helped me be more focused, less stressed and anxious, more respectful, and less impulsivity. I am honest and much more trustworthy that I have ever been. My life is more organized and smooth flowing. I am the happiest I have been as an adult, and this is mostly due to DD.