Gud and I practice CDD (Christian Domestic Discipline) and I have been asked lately, what I see as the difference in CDD and DD, and now that we have been in ttwd for a length of time, if I see that we are doing more DD than CDD. While this post is not focused on the difference in the two, I do hope the meaning and thought of CDD in our relationship and how it effects the choices I make. Over the years of being involved in ttwd, and being in groups, forums, and chats, during research, and now life,
I have found some of the common concerns in the submissive partners. In many posts, topics, and discussions I have seen: women who feel that they are treated as a child, women wishing their husbands would be more consistent, and women who do things (whether intentional or not) to force an act of discipline. Over the years, these posts have brought some very interesting questions to my mind, and some high curiosities. Some of which, I would ask Gud concerning how he may handle a situation, should it ever arise. At the beginning of our relationship, I was extremely curious, and while I have always had the freedom to ask anything of my HOH, many of my questions were, “What would happen to me if I did….” Or “What would my punishment be if I did…?” Because we were still "getting to know one another," he became quite distraught. It seemed, to him, that I was toying with the idea of actually trying some of these behaviors I was reading examples of online. One night, after some of my questions, we had quite a lengthy discussion. I reassured him that I was not thinking about trying any of the behaviors I had inquired about, but was just curious how he would handle those situations. Through our discussion we talked about the fact that being a wife in a CDD relationship, should NEVER make him feel that he has another child in his home. From my perspective, submitting to my husband is required of me by God. That is how He created us. I have but two main desires in my life, and all other things fall so nicely into those two categories. First of all, my desire is to be pleasing to God, to be the woman He created me to be, use the talents and gifts He gave me for His glory and benefit. Secondly, my desire is to be submissive and pleasing to Gud. The one key to this is that my HOH is a Man of God, submissive to God, and lives his life according to God’s Word. When a man does those things, as a Christian woman, why would I NOT want to follow him? I love the fact that my HOH is strong enough in God’s Word, that when he sees something in me not of a holy nature, he can quickly point that out to me, in a very loving, very gentle way, but in a way that I have a desire to want to change, because it is God’s teaching and not his. Being a Christian and growing in Christ, is an ongoing process. It is not something that is “finished” when we accept Christ, and I WANT to grow. In Ephesians 5:22, which is used so frequently in CDD circles, it says: “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.” This is not given as an option, but as a command. It does not say, “Wives, when you feel like it, or in a good mood, or not PMSing, or not mad because you haven’t had a spanking in four weeks, then, if you would like to, you can submit to your husbands.” There are no conditions placed on that command to submit. I am sure that women were just as hormonal in Bible times as they are now, created in the same way, by the same God. When something is pointed out to me, by my HOH, that he does not agree with, then from that time on I make every attempt to NOT do that. He does not pick on every little trivial thing that I do, but the things that set us apart from the world (Romans 12:2 do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is- His good pleasing and perfect will). We are to be different, we are to look different, we are to be an example of holy living (1 Corinthians 1:2, 1 Peter 1:15-16). Living a Holy life, is also a command, not an option. 1 Peter 1: 15-16 says: “But just as He who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written, ‘Be holy, because I am holy.’” BE HOLY…again, there are not conditions placed on this command. I think when we “act out” and have tantrums, and choose to do things intentionally that we know our husbands disapprove of (bad language, lying, speeding, not doing a chore or a task) we are acting like children and put them in positions to treat us like children. I KNOW that I am going to mess up, I know that I am going to do things that I shouldn’t do, and I KNOW I will be punished for it. But, when I really make a conscious effort to submit to and please Gud, then those things are not so much of a temptation, and if I stop and think and PRAY about my actions before doing them, I will usually choose not make a poor choice. If I am in a bad mood, I try to go for a walk and pray or go to a quiet place for a few minutes and pray. If nothing else get in the shower, turn on the warm water, and just close your eyes and pray. Many don’t believe in the power of prayer, but I have had it work in my life and I will continue to keep that line of communication open with my Father.
For me, bratting or doing something that I KNOW I am not supposed to do, or asking and being told no and then pouting or doing it anyway, is a childish way to handle the situation, so why would I complain about being treated like a child when acting like one?? To quote my HOH,
“Discipline shouldn’t have to be weekly- you are supposed to mature and learn and stop doing wrong things. If a wife feels that she needs the release of a spanking, then she should talk to her HOH instead of bratting and try to get that need met without purposefully acting out. HOH’s should not HAVE to discipline their wives-it’s something that should be rare. This is not to say that spanking cannot be done for romantic reasons or stress relief reasons, but discipline should be something a wife does to herself- it is called self-control. The HOH should only have to step in and discipline his wife but rarely, when she needs added help to show self-control in a specific area.”
Now, that quote came from him in the beginning stages of our relationship, but I think it is safe to say, that he expects me to practice self-control so the spankings I receive do not have to be discipline, but more support and encouragement, and reminders. On the topic of inconsistency, I have come to a few of the conclusions: 1. Some HOHs may become inconsistent because they do not see growth in their wives. If they are trying and trying, and there is no growth or behavior maturity, they may just feel like, “what’s the point?” 2. For others, it may be that they do not feel the need or the importance of domestic discipline. In that case, it would NOT be “submissive” to force him into something that he did not feel led to do. If you feel that you NEED domestic discipline because of your attitude or behavior and your spouse is not willing, then there is one answer as a Christian woman. PRAY that God remove your attitude and your behavior and help you become a submissive wife to your husband, and it is OK to let him know that you are praying for that, and ask him to pray for that. 3. Some HOHs have a problem with discipline spanking because they do not want to hurt their wife. They agree with DD and with punishment, but they feel bad if their wife is hurt. 4. Life happens and scheduling and finding time can often be hard to work into a schedule and be a lot of work. We have found over through our CDD lifestyle that some things change as we change. Every couple has different needs, but from my perspective, when we commit to ttwd, we are saying, "Help me be a better person!" We have a responsibility to actually put effort forth to be that person, we have to communicate our need for spankings, and we have to be open when our HOH isn't as consistent as we need for him to be.